They Said Marriage Was the Goal. I Say Freedom Is. Choosing to Live by the Narrative of One.

From the time I could talk, I wasn’t taught that marriage was the crown.
I wasn’t raised in a home where marriage was the ultimate prize.
I was raised in survival.
I was raised around women who stayed, not because it was godly, not because it was healthy, but because they believed family was better together than apart.

I didn’t grow up dreaming about wedding dresses and white picket fences.
My happily ever after didn't involve a man.
If anything, I dreamed about being successful.
Building something better for myself.
Maybe having a child one day.
But marriage?
Marriage was never the goal.

Sure, I dated.
Sure, I had boyfriends.
But even then, marriage wasn’t on my mind.

It wasn’t until I was about 20 years old that I even entertained the idea.
And even then, it wasn't because someone told me I needed to.
It was because I thought — maybe I could do marriage differently.
Maybe I could create what I never saw growing up.
Maybe I could build a marriage rooted in peace, partnership, and purpose.

But let me be clear:
I didn’t come to marriage through the church’s narrative.
I didn’t come to marriage through the world’s narrative.
I didn’t even come to marriage through a man’s narrative.
I came through my own curiosity.
My own hope.
My own desire to create something beautiful.

And yet…even with that, over time, I found myself getting pulled into narratives that were never mine.
Narratives about a woman’s worth being tied to how well she keeps a family together.
Narratives about sacrifice being proof of loyalty.
Narratives about staying no matter what because “family is better together than apart.”

And before I knew it…
The narrative of one I started with began to get overwritten by the narrative of the masses.

Until now.

Because now?
Now I remember.

I remember that my worth was never supposed to be determined by my relationship status.
I remember that my success was never supposed to be sacrificed for appearances.
I remember that my voice was never supposed to be silenced to protect anyone else's reputation.

And if you are reading this...
I want you to remember too.

The Narrative of One: Real Women Who Refused the Narrative of the Masses, the Men and the Church.

There’s a reason the world fights so hard to keep women in old narratives.
Because when a woman chooses the Narrative of One — she becomes unstoppable.

Let’s talk about a few:

Gabourey Sidibe

They said women like her would never marry.
Too dark-skinned. Too overweight. Too far from the world's narrow beauty standards.
They said she would die alone.
And yet she married. She loves. She carried lives she built, not one the world dictated.
She now has twins with her husband who she chose to marry on her own terms.
She did not believe the narrative about her or women like her.
She refused the narrative of the masses and the males. Instead…
She chose the narrative of one.

Ciara

They said no man would wife her after her relationship with Future.
They called her a washed up, baby mama…a has-been if you will.
They said no good man would want her.
Then Russell Wilson came along.
Not only did she choose to marry him, but they’ve since built a family, a legacy, and a life rooted in love.
She chose the narrative of one.

Jazmine Cashmere

They said her past would disqualify her.
They said no man would ever love a woman who had been a porn star.
They said a woman with a high body count could never have a real marriage or family.
They reduced her to her past videos, her past choices, her past image.
And yet she found redemption. She married. She had children. She built a ministry alongside her husband.
She became a living testimony that no history is too dark for The Most High to redeem and no woman is too far gone to be loved.
She refused to believe the male narrative that she was unworthy of marriage, ministry, and family.
She chose the narrative of one.

Serena Williams

They said she was too masculine. Too muscular. Too dark-skinned.
They said she looked like a man and that no man would ever want her.
They mocked her. They ridiculed her. They dragged her name across the world stage.
And yet she became the greatest female tennis player in history.
She married a man who adores her. She has her family. She built an empire.
She did not shrink herself to fit the box they tried to force her into.
She chose the narrative of one.

Angel Reese

They say she’s too cocky. Too arrogant. Too loud on and off the court.
They say she needs to be humble.
They called her classless. They called her trash.
They said she would never make it because of her attitude.
They tried to shame her confidence and punish her for refusing to bow.
She lives rent free in the heads of black and white males who flood her social media with hate because she will not bow to their fragile narratives.
And yet she stands tall...literally.
She chose her truth. Her voice. Her fire.
She refuses to shrink.
She became a champion, a multi-millionaire, a cultural icon, all while being unapologetically Angel and living the single life of a Goddess.
She chose the narrative of one.

Why the Goalposts Keep Moving

Here is what happens when you step into your narrative of one:
First, they doubt you.
Then, they move the goalposts when you actually achieve what they said you never would. In their narrative, they have to start shifting the criteria.
They insult you. They call your man a simp your ‘Captain Save-a-Ho’. They call your love a fluke.
They say you got lucky.
They will do anything to avoid admitting they were wrong.
Because your life proves their narrative was never your truth or even the truth.
Because your existence threatens everything they believe about who gets to win.

The Narrative They Tried to Give You vs. The Narrative You Choose

They said you had to be quiet to be loved.
You said you would be bold and still be loved.

They said you had to be pure to be worthy.
You said you were worthy because you exist.

They said you had to be humble especially if there had been betrayal against you.
You said you would heal and thrive loudly.

They said marriage was the crown.
You said freedom is the prize.

A Call to Women of Faith

Hear me clearly love:

Your faith was never meant to be a prison.
The Most High is not The Most High of oppression nor of the oppression of women.
The Most High is of liberty. The Most High is of truth. The Most High is who has called you free.

The narrative of one is not rebellion.
It is realignment.
Realignment to who you were created to be before fear, shame, and the noise of the masses, men and the modern day church tried to rewrite your story.

You are the narrator now. You’ve always been but you just didn’t see it. But now that you do, you are free to write the story you desire.

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Always Much Love,

Octavia E. Vance (OEV) 💋
Your Favorite Sexologist and Navigator of Love, Leisure & Pleasure