Wednesday's Q&A with OEV #21: "He’s Not My Husband, But the Sex Feels Like Answered Prayers. Please Tell Me This Isn't Wrong.”

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This week’s question:

Hi Tavia.

I’ve done everything I can to disguise myself when asking this question so you don’t know who I am because I know your facial expressions by heart.
I’ve been following you since before your last two babies were born. We’ve interacted so many times but I lost touch over the years after life happened for me in so many ways. But let me stop stalling.

I met a man a few months ago, and from the beginning, our connection has been deep. It’s not just lust. We talk for hours, we pray together, we feel aligned spiritually, and honestly, I’ve never felt this safe with a man before.

But here’s where I’m conflicted; we’ve been intimate. More than once. And when I say it feels like answered prayers, I mean it. I cry. I release. I feel seen, I am held, he’s so open with me and we’ve connected in such a way that…I actually feel like I’m being worshiped and washed at the same time.

But I know he’s not my husband. Not yet. We’ve talked about marriage, but nothing’s official. And even though everything feels so right in the moment, afterwards, I spiral. I wonder if I’ve just spiritualized sin. I wonder if God is disappointed in me.

He’s not pressuring me. I’m not being manipulated. But I can’t tell if I’m giving too much too soon or if I’m finally experiencing the kind of intimacy I’ve been starved for as a 41 year old single woman of faith.

So I’m asking you, as a woman who teaches both power and pleasure: Why even though he’s not my husband…does the sex feels like answered prayers? Am I wrong for this? Or is this something else entirely?

And this is why in my upcoming private Sex 4 Ladies community, I’ll be doing Q&A’s Live…So I can stare into your face as you share so intimately asking me hot n spicy questions like this. 😆 I’m kidding but I can answer live way better than writing any day because I can feel the vibe and energy the question is being asked in and that gets me in my element to share from within. But moving on for now. 😉 

Let’s start with some real questions.

What are you getting out of this?

Why do you feel it’s wrong?

Why do you think it’s sin?

You’re 41 years young. That means you’ve been on this earth just as long as I have. And with all that life behind you, what exactly were your prayers? Were you asking for a man, for comfort, for a break from loneliness, or for sex that would finally match your depth?

Because if what you're calling "answered prayers" has you spiraling right after… then let’s be honest. It might not be God’s answer — it might just be your craving finally getting fed.

Now I’m not here to judge you. Nobody can.

But I’m also not here to lie to you and let you call something peace when it keeps pulling you out of alignment.

You said it feels like answered prayers. Okay. But let me ask you something:

Is he the answer? Or is he the distraction?

Because I teach this in Nine Things Women Should Ask a Man Before Giving Him Sex:

“Before You Give Anything, Require”.

Before you give your body, require clarity.

Before you give your trust, require consistency.

Before you give access to your womb, your spirit, your vulnerability;
require evidence that this is safe and not just sensational.

Because what you’re describing sounds like a man who knows how to make your body open, and honey I understand you hear me??
but the question is, can he carry what’s inside of you once it is? Once he’s inside of your very womb and soul?

That’s the difference between covenant and chemistry.
Between confirmation and confusion.

This is why I teach PIES also in the book which are the ways we attract: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual (along with Sexual and Financial) connection. You

need to know what level you’re actually connecting on before you call it what it may not be. Because when it’s just physical and spiritual, but there’s no emotional maturity or intellectual alignment? That’s when your soul gets misled by your hormones.